Fertility challenges as an expat in Germany (interview with Rin)
Rin with her husband and daughter.
Germany has a well-structured and efficient healthcare system - it is ranked number 25 in the world in the WHO’s measure of healthcare effectiveness. Despite this, it can be difficult at times to navigate and obtain the care and support you may require. It is even more difficult when you are a foreigner, and the rules and protocols can be surprisingly and vastly different to those of your country of origin.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Rin about her experiences in attempting to become pregnant while living as a foreigner in Germany. Here we discuss the challenges she faced in navigating fertility treatments in Germany, and her advice to those finding themselves in a similar situation.
When did you decide you wanted to start a family?
My husband and I decided to stop taking precautions reasonably early in our relationship - so before we got married. It wasn’t until about 6 months later that we actually decided to try.
When did you realise that getting pregnant was going to be a challenge?
I was aware that I had some issues around reproductive health so I had an inkling that it was not going to be easy - but you always hope that that won't be the case.
Where did you seek initial support and guidance?
From my Frauenarzt [gynaecologist] who by that time had been my doctor for 8 years. She is amazing and was very supportive.
Was the initial support you received sufficient?
In the initial stages it was - I cannot fault my Frauenarzt. However, I am not sure if this level of help/support is enjoyed by everyone.
What were the challenges you faced in the IVF process?
Once we were referred to a specialist, he did not speak English (or would not) speak English at all. There were so many extremely difficult concepts and language to grasp. A lot of the time I had no idea what was going on.
Also as a non-married couple we received very little in the way of financial support via our insurance. In Germany, non-married couples have to pay for basically everything themselves: treatment, scans, medicine, tests, IVF/ICSI, keeping embryos frozen, etc etc etc. AND we needed to pay for a notary to prepare a document stating we were willingly going into this procedure - it would have been cheaper to get married first!
What kind of emotional support did you receive (from the German healthcare system or anywhere else)? Was it sufficient?
It was really hard having my family on the other side of the world. Of course my husband’s family were great and helped a lot, but actual institutionalised emotional support was not really something that was given.
I was lucky to have my Frauenarzt who basically ‘held my hand’ throughout the whole journey.
I also had a wonderful TCM (Chinese medicine) doctor who was much more than just teas and acupuncture. She was someone who treated me holistically (at my own expense mostly).
Once we decided to seek treatment abroad, things changed and I was assigned a counsellor by the clinic.
Did you receive any financial support?
Other than from our parents, not a cent. We got married during this process (it was planned before the circus began) and thought that we might now get some funding from insurance… nope. Pre-existing condition.
How was your experience made more challenging as a foreigner/expat?
Having a specialist that couldn’t/or refused to speak English was tough. We both speak German very well but there were certain things where a quick extra explanation in English (or even easy German) would have really been amazing.
Also cultural aspects made things tough. I come from a culture where sensitivity and tact are normal and valued. Even after so many years here, in this situation I found the manner in which I was spoken to, really hard to deal with.
Example: I was told I wasn’t trying hard enough to get pregnant.
What was different about the process in Germany compared to what you know of the process back home in New Zealand?
Well, I actually think things moved a lot faster here. They considered my age and pre-existing conditions and immediately got moving. There was no “go away and try for another 6 months”.
Once on a trip home, I visited my GP and mentioned the difficulties we were having. He literally said, “You have nothing to worry about yet.”
So that was really positive - here they looked at the facts and decided rationally that now was the time to get started with the treatments.
What advice would you give someone who finds themselves having trouble getting pregnant in Germany?
Find a Frauenarzt that you really like and get along with. You will spend long hours in their office - some of those hours you will be crying. You really want someone in your corner at these times.
Also, don’t put it off. If you feel like something may be up, go and talk to someone. The sooner you get onto these things the better.
Do you have any additional advice for foreigners?
Even if your German is amazing, make sure your doctor/specialist have at least someone on staff that can speak English (or whichever language you are most comfortable in). It’s amazing how quickly your German disappears when you are under stress, emotional or even hormonal! It’s a great comfort knowing that when everything is hard, you can make yourself understood and understand what is going on.
What do you wish you'd known beforehand?
How much it was going to cost! We would have planned our wedding much sooner!
Also, I wish I had known how different the rules are in Germany - I’d assumed they’d be mostly the same but, no.. even across the EU they vary wildly.
Do you have any resources that you found particularly helpful?
I wish I did! There is plenty out there on the internet about infertility, but very little about a foreigner’s experience in Germany.
Final thoughts
I just wanted to end by thanking Rin for giving us such great insight into her challenging experiences in starting a family in Germany.
I also couldn’t find anything much about a foreigner’s experience with infertility in Germany. One resource that might be helpful to other international parents (or soon-to-be parents) that I’ll point people towards is Afloat. They have resources and information specifically for foreigners in Germany trying to muddle through the system. While they don’t have any information about infertility (as yet, they’re still quite new), they might be able to offer some help upon request. I wish they’d been around when I was pregnant and newly postpartum with my sons!
Have you faced similar challenges in starting a family in Germany? Share your experiences and resources in the comments below.
Today’s post was an interview with Rin
Rin is originally from Auckland in New Zealand, and moved to Germany 12 years ago after receiving a job offer.
Rin met her Dutch husband at a bus stop in Belgium and together they settled in Aachen, where their daughter was born.
You can follow Rin on Instagram and learn all about life in Germany.
Are you considering starting a family in Germany? Read this next:
Or head over to Motherhood Together - for all things pregnancy and early motherhood in the one place
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