Motherhood Together

Introduction

What I originally thought would be a mere few blog posts about pregnancy, birth, and early parenthood, has rapidly become something much more.

As this lovely community has grown, I’ve had many conversations with other mothers about their experiences of various aspects of pregnancy and early motherhood. Some generous women have agreed to share some of their stories and advice. I also have many more of my own to add to the mix. Please get in touch if you have any stories to share!

I think this calls for a new subsection of the more broad ‘Parent Life’ category, specifically focussed on pregnancy and early motherhood. Of course these posts will still appear in the ‘Latest’ tab and in the ‘Parent Life’ category as they are published, but this page is all about gathering these motherhood stories, advice, and resources in one place (and in some kind of logical order). As you can imagine, this page will be constantly added to and continue to evolve.

My hope is that if you’re a mother-to-be or a new mother in need of some help or advice, you can come to this nurturing little nook at any time (including when you’re questioning everything at 3am in a sleep-deprived haze) and draw on the varied experiences of some of the many many mothers that have come before you. 

What you can expect

Some of these stories will be raw accounts of experiences (such as the new mother letters, inspired by those collected in the book ‘The Motherhood’), while others will be more advice-based - with concrete next steps and resources.

No matter the form, you can expect honest and vulnerable, yet hopeful accounts.

I will also gather links to other resources (eg books, videos etc) so that they are all in one place.

Why ‘motherhood together’?

Because motherhood can be lonely.

Jamila Rizvi in her introduction to ‘The Motherhood’ says:

“Sharing the load with one another isn’t something that we’re used to. Help doesn’t happen because the community doesn’t offer and those who need it don’t ask. In times gone by, the upbringing of children was everyone’s joy and everyone’s responsibility. The trials and tribulations of life with a newborn, a baby, a toddler, and even a teenager, were made easier because they were shared. They were made easier because women did them together.”

I have to agree - motherhood has become a somewhat lonely enterprise. It is made all the more difficult with restrictions put in place to curb the pandemic, as well as the fact that many people (like me) do not live near close friends and family. Even if you do, you possibly don’t feel 100% comfortable asking for help, or may not have faith that the people in your immediate vicinity could actually help you.

This page is all about doing this thing called motherhood together and learning from each other.

You are not alone - Welcome to motherhood together.

Articles to date

Pregnancy

• Having a baby in Germany: the bureaucratic experience - detailed checklist of all the things to do

• Why you should be wary of pregnancy message boards and my list of resources that might reduce your anxiety

• Fertility challenges as an expat in Germany (interview with Rin)

Birth

• Births that are sprints rather than marathons: My precipitous (rapid) labor experiences - preparation and recovery

• A letter to my new mother self (Simone)

• The emotional aftermath of an emergency c-section (Guest post by Dalia)

Early Motherhood

• How I got my babies to sleep through the night - lessons learned from two very different sleepers

• A letter to my pandemic baby

• When they say, ‘it gets better’ (Guest post by Dalia)

I would love to hear your stories!

Do you have a story relating to any aspect of pregnancy (including pre-pregnancy), birth, postpartum and early motherhood that you would like to share here on Life Inspiration File? If so, then please reach out to me - I would love to hear from you. Feel free to also get in touch if you have any resources to share, or even just simply want to chat!

Resources

Everything I’ve ever used and found to even be only smidge helpful is listed here + some recommendations from other mothers.

Books

Pre-pregnancy

• Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health, Toni Weschler (a great guide to understanding your cycle and how to use that understanding to get pregnant)

Pregnancy

• The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy (simple, yet information-packed book. A good read if it’s your first pregnancy to get an overview of the process)

• Expecting Better, Emily Oster (I haven’t yet read this but it comes highly recommended. Questioning traditional pregnancy advice to make more informed decisions)

• A Is for Advice (The Reassuring Kind): Wisdom for Pregnancy, Ilana Stanger-Ross (Again, this comes highly recommended

Birth

• The Birth Partner, Penny Simkin (a really detailed book that I found extremely useful - especially since I didn’t end up going to any birth preparation classes!)

• Birth with Confidence, Rhea Dempsey (this is a useful book if you are considering an unmedicated labour)

Postpartum

• The Fourth Trimester - A Postpartum Guide, Kimberly Ann Johnson (if you’re a first-time mother, you might not think you need this, but I think postpartum care of the mother is incredibly important)

• The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, La Leche League International (an informative guide for the beginner, but I did find some parts to be slightly oppressive)

Early Motherhood

• The Motherhood, Jamila Rizvi (I refer to this book a lot! But for good reason: it’s a collection of letters written by mothers to their new-mother selves. A fantastic read for the end of pregnancy or the early days to make you realise that you are not alone)

• My Wild and Sleepless Nights, Clover Stroud (a ‘mother memoir’ that I thoroughly enjoyed reading in the first few weeks after my second son’s birth)

• Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year, Anne Lamott (haven’t read this one yet, but have read other books by her. From my experience, I would expect a frank account of early motherhood)

• The Baby Sleep Book, Sears’ (overall, worth a read - but I took bits and pieces and left other advice)

• The Gentle Sleep Book, Sarah Ockwell-Smith (I found lots of good ideas in here. I would recommend reading a few different sleep books though)

• The No-cry Sleep Solution, Elizabeth Pantley (Again, this had lots of good ideas. Especially if you don’t want to try cry-it-out methods)

• The Wonder Weeks, Frans X Plooij and Hetty van de Rijt (I found it useful to try to predict my baby’s fussy behaviour and deal with it, but overall - I didn’t feel like it all really lined up as neatly as the book made out. Main message: your baby will go through developmental leaps and will be ‘fussy’ during these periods. But these periods are short-lived!)

• Mayo Clinic Guide to Your Baby’s First Year (A good information-filled book to have for reference)

• Cribsheet - A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting, from Birth to Preschool, Emily Oster (the early parenting equivalent of Expecting Better - using data and research to make decisions about parenting)

• Bright From the Start, Jill Stamm, Paula Spencer (research-backed advice for nurturing your developing baby and toddler. Lots of great ideas in here)

• I know how she does it, Laura Vanderkam (all about managing work and parenthood. I read it during my first maternity leave and found it to be life-changing)

Online

• All stages: Alpha Mom (particularly the week-by-week pregnancy calendar - informative, funny, but not anxiety-inducing)

• Pregnancy: Miscarriage Odds Reassurer (I found this to be extremely reassuring in the first trimester)

• Pregnancy: Pregnancy Podcast (evidence-based discussion of everything to do with pregnancy)

• Pregnancy: Natalie Bennett’s pregnancy updates (I found them to be honest and reassuring)

• Birth: The Birth Hour Podcast (if you want to listen to a variety of birth stories in-depth, then this is the place to go)

• Pregnancy and Postpartum: Body Fit By Amy prenatal and postnatal workouts (I used the postnatal workouts a tonne following both of my pregnancies)

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