Moving from Munich to Melbourne: Some notes on nostalgia, and the practical things
‘There are a few times in life when you leap up and the past that you’d been standing on falls away behind you, and the future you mean to land on is not yet in place, and for a moment you’re suspended, knowing nothing and no one, not even yourself.’
– Ann Patchett, The Dutch House
Well, that pretty much sums up what I’m feeling right now. Transitions are hard. Huge, scary, completely life-altering transitions are especially hard.
What’s the situation?
If you’re new around here, you might not know this, but I am originally from Melbourne, Australia. I have been living in the beautiful city of Munich, Germany for the past six years. You can read more about my expat story on my about page, and here where I was interviewed by Katherine from Bad Days Abroad, and also in this podcast interview for Berliner Zinner. A lot has happened in this past six years, most notable of which are:
These past two years since the birth of my second son, have seemed like one really big, long, seemingly never-ending transition: this is, notably, the time during which all of the above events occurred, and it has also been the time that we’ve been living under the veil of the pandemic. But I feel like this upcoming move back ‘home’ will be the final catalyst to securing these changes in reality (and will probably involve making a whole lot of additional unforeseen changes as well).
Today I thought I’d write a kind of journal post taking a little tour through my current thoughts and feelings about this move: we will cover many things today, from mundane practicalities to deep, buried emotions.
A note: My hope is that if you are facing a similar transition (it might not be a physical move, but something else) that: 1) You will realise you are not alone if you are freaking out; 2) You might pick up a practical tip or two, or a different approach that you hadn’t considered; and 3) That there are actually some really useful resources out there if you know where to look (I will include some that I’ve been leaning on lately at the bottom of this post).
Are you ready to come along for the ride?
Let’s go!
Nostalgia, nostalgia, nostalgia – and we haven’t even left yet!
It’s not as if I don’t want to leave – I do, and have been wanting to for quite some time (which is what I discuss a lot in that Bad Days Abroad interview I mentioned earlier). In fact, there are so many good things waiting for us in Australia that I’m extremely excited about:
Having a support network! I don’t even know what it feels like to parent with any sort of ‘village’ around. Plus I miss chatting to people who have known me a very long time and have a similar background.
More job opportunities! Since I left academic research, my job prospects have been limited here by the fact that I don’t speak German beyond a basic level.
A bigger apartment! We stayed in an apartment that we grew out of a while ago because we knew we would be leaving Germany.
Being able to speak my native language everywhere!
Not feeling like an outsider!….the list goes on.
All that being said, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my time living in Germany – even the tough times: I’ve grown so much as a person here, and experienced things I would never have dreamed of. There will be so many things I will miss about Germany, from simple things like Brezen, to more complex things like being free of my past and my background and forging my own ground.
I’m finding, as time goes on and we start tracking the time until we leave in weeks rather than months, and as we start accumulating experiences on our ‘this will be the last time we do x’ list, that I’m getting really really sad. It was particularly difficult at Christmas when we packed away the decorations for the final time here.
I first got this glimpse of nostalgia for a place/time I am still currently living in when I packed away all my spring and summer clothes at the beginning of autumn last year. It’s not normally such a big deal; I do this task every six months, but this time, as I was folding up a dress I bought with a friend at a flea market, I started crying. I knew then that the next few months would represent the last opportunities to meet with that friend and hang out. The last summer I’d be wearing these clothes in Europe was over. By next European summer, I would be home in Melbourne where it would actually be winter.
I’m also sad for my children. Even though the four-year-old is (thankfully) seemingly very excited to move to Australia (he wakes up frequently asking if today is the day we’re going to get on the plane!), I don’t know if he quite comprehends the reality of the situation: We’re not going for a visit and we won’t be coming back. My kids have only known Germany. It has been an amazing experience for them, and I feel sad about what they will miss out on in the future by not being here, and I worry about how they will acclimatise to life in Australia.
So, what I am doing to tackle the somewhat overwhelming nostalgia (you may ask)?
I’m (attempting to) stay in the present: This has been challenging since I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the future – What will we take with us? Where will we live? What job will I get? How will we all adapt? Are we going to regret going back? – but I know the present is where I need to be (most of the time, at least). I need to experience each of these ‘last times’ and even ‘10th time before the last time’ to the fullest so that I don’t wake up in a few months in Melbourne and only remember rushing, and stressing, and ticking off to-dos in my last few weeks here. I have to honour this experience – this last six years – for what it has been – a time of huge personal growth – and take all the lessons I’ve learned back with me to my new life in Melbourne.
Practical ways I’m ‘staying in the present’:
Doing one thing at a time.
Looking in all directions when I’m walking around. (Side-note: This is one of the activities I suggest in my list of 89 Self-Nurture activities. If you’d like to get the list + a whole bunch of resources to help you nurture yourself, then head here).
Allowing myself to follow my whims a bit more (even if that means getting a little less done).
Taking lots of photos.
Focussing on all the good aspects of living here and letting the ‘bad’ stuff fall away.
The practical side of things
I started freaking out officially once we hit January. We’ve booked our flight for the 1st of March, and so January was when it started feeling like the timer started ticking.
I’d previously started making a to-do list of all the things we’d need to do, both before and after leaving, but it had tasks jumbled around all over the place. So, the first thing I did in January (once the four-year-old was back in Kindergarten), was to make a stream-lined to-do list.
My husband and I have a shared Google Doc where we put in appointments, shopping lists, and other bits and pieces, so I just added it to that.
There are multiple components of the list:
Things to do while we’re still in Germany:
Admin stuff (including things we have to de-sign up for before we leave)
Physical stuff (including packing)
Cleaning and prepping the apartment for leaving
Things to do once we arrive in Australia:
From really important things like finding a home to live in, to things that aren’t so pressing but we might like to organise once we’ve settled.
We’d already given the three month’s notice for leaving our apartment back in December, so that felt like a big task ticked off (and it also means that we won’t have to pay any extra rent or anything).
Another small thing that we are doing is to start using up some of the consumables we have (food, toiletries, toilet paper etc), and then specifically not refilling certain things beyond what we will need before we go.
Another major aspect of dealing with our stuff is to continue decluttering. We’re categorising every item: it’s coming with us, or it goes. We will be selling all our furniture, but we can’t really sell all of it now because we still need most of it to live. But we will be gradually getting down to the bare bones of what we need.
Since it will be really expensive to ship even the small things to Australia, we are really questioning everything:
What is worth the expense of moving?
Would we buy this item again in Australia?
If yes, then is this the version we would want to have, or would we rather part with this particular one and buy another in Australia?
Will trying to replace this thing actually take more time and effort than what it’s worth, so should we just pay the money and send it?
It’s actually putting a lot of things in perspective – I’ve been able to let go of a lot of clothes by answering these questions – I would recommend anyone who wants to declutter a bit to think of their items in terms of these questions.
Okay, so there you have it: a bit of a snapshot of what life in the midst of this huge transition is like for me. I hope you found it interesting, at the very least, but also that maybe you can find some aspects to apply to your own transitions. There will probably be more moving diary type articles to come – so stay tuned! (And do sign up to my monthly Inspiration Round-up if you want to ensure that you don’t miss future articles! Just pop your details into the form below).
How do you handle big transitions and the emotional rollercoaster that goes along with them? I’d love to hear your ideas (they’d probably be really helpful for me and whoever else is reading this), so let me know in the comments below!
Here are a few resources I’ve found particularly helpful during this transitional time time:
The concept of the ‘whole body yes’. I first heard Diana Chapman (of The Conscious Leadership Group) discussing this on the Tim Ferriss Show. It’s a great framework for making good decisions.
Another more general resource is The Gathering Room podcast by Martha Beck. Each episode focusses on a specific theme that life coach and author Martha talks about in detail. I’ve really enjoyed the episodes: ‘The Light at the End of the Tunnel’, ‘Planless Plans for the New Year’, and ‘How to Keep on Keeping On.’ Martha is gentle, at times a little woo-woo, but everything she says makes so much sense and she offers very practical suggestions.
Katherine at Bad Days Abroad is a clarity coach, and her main focus is helping expats find clarity on whether they should stay or go. She has a bunch of free resources on her blog, but also offers various forms of individual and group coaching.
Katia Vlachos is a transition coach. Author of the book, A Great Move, she is an expert at expat life and managing the transitions that go along with it. She additionally offers career and relationship coaching, so even if your transition doesn’t involve moving countries, Katia can help you out!
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